Author: Keith Duncan
Hello everyone,
It is time once again for SAFE SHOPPING TIPS from Fireman Dan. If you follow these tips, you should be safe for the holidays.
Credit Card warnings: Before you read any more of this message, go cut up your cards now and call your banks to cancel. By the time you finish reading, 1,000 people have been a victim of indentity theft. If you think you are safe by just changing your card numbers, think again. They already know your new numbers and just waiting for the chance to start using them.
Cash: Remember to bring lots of cash with you and use only that. Stores love cash and will go out of their way to assist you. In fact, don’t forget to tip everyone that helps you and if you see the odd fellow waiting outside and watching everyone that passes, offer him cash to watch your bags while you shop some more. Or even better, give him your car keys and ask him to put your bags in your car while you are shopping.
* special note: Remind the nice man to put the bags in the trunk for safe keeping. You never know what strange people there are waiting for the chance to break into your car.
What to wear: When shopping for Christmas gifts, it is always best to wear your most expensive jewelry. This way the clerks can tell you have money and will be more willingly to work with you. Remember, it is all about status quo and image. Look the part of a rich bitch and no one will bother you.
Where to park: It is always best to find an out of the way place to park so your car doesn’t get dinks from other cars. The parking lots will be over crowded so find somewhere away to park and if you are lucky enough to find a dark corner where no one can see you, then take it quickly. This way crooks won’t be able to find you, but don’t make it too hard for the nice man who is watching your bags.
What to buy: Not sure what to buy your children? Watch TV and see what is hot. The hotter the better. This may mean waiting in long lines, only to find out that the item sold out days ago or traveling out of state to that remote place for the perfect gift, but heck, its for your child and it will last at least a day before they break it anyways.
If you don’t feel like waiting in long lines, buy it on ebay. Even if the item hasn’t been released, trust the guy who says he has it, and for only a 1000% markup. IT IS WORTH IT.
Now that you know the basics, let me know how it went.
